The Art of Conversation

I always think that speech is one of the hardest things to pull off in writing. How do you make your characters sound natural without allowing them to burble? How do you make them communicate clearly with your reader, whilst avoiding the dreaded 'information-dump'? How do you keep the narrative moving, bearing in mind that real-life conversations have no narrative constraints?

Real-life speech can be very elliptical: people trail off; they "um" and "ah"; they rely on shared knowledge that doesn't need spelling out. In real conversations, people don't have time to refine their thoughts in the way they might for a piece of writing (in fact, an over-polished manner of speaking is likely to come across as pompous and peculiar).

Of course you want to catch that quickfire naturalness when you're writing but, at the same time, you've crafted your narrative with a shape and a purpose, and you don't want it getting bogged down with lots of "umm-ing," and "ah-ing," and wandering-off-the-point. Not only will that do no justice to your story*, it's likely to confuse your readers too. An unfinished sentence that sounds normal in an actual conversation might look unduly cryptic in a written narrative, and too many sentences that peter out with '.....' can get very irritating. (I ought to know because I've just re-read my first book).

(*Wittering and baroque elaboration are fine, as far as I'm concerned, but I think they should have a bearing on your story.)

Practice is the answer, of course, but eavesdropping is a good way of sharpening the ear. Jotting down other people's conversations is difficult to do discreetly, and it does make you feel a bit Stasi, but there's nothing like it for making you see  just how fascinating people are when they talk. The simplest conversation can be so rich in nuance, and even the way someone orders a coffee can have an element of the surreal to it, once you've translated it into writing. Eavesdropping also makes you understand how important expression and gesture is, whether it emphasises what someone's saying ("That's fantastic," she said, giving him a fierce hug) or undercuts it ("That's fantastic," she said, with a surreptitious glance at her watch.)

Anyway, here are a few samples straight from my notebook. In case you're worrying that this is ethically dubious, please be assured that all conversations took place audibly in public places - I haven't been hiding in cupboards, or bugging people's cars or anything. Also, the boy wasn't really called Daniel.


Spelling-Test Woman (a one-sided conversation of 7 or 8 words)

A wet and windy home-time in the school playground. Six year old boy trudges out of school.

Mum (calling across the playground): Daniel, did you have your spelling test?

Kids and parents hurry to their cars with heads down and hoods up.

Mum (voice quieter now he's reached her, but no less urgent. Bends down to zip his coat up): Did you have your spelling test today?

Daniel, glassy-eyed, swinging bag, not hearing the question, not interested. Mum's face is screwed up with anxiety. Her hood blows back in the wind.


Competitive Self-Restraint (Took place at a business breakfast I went to as a guest. The 3 women were young professionals.)

Woman 1 (as she eats her last mouthful of croissant): Wow! I won't be needing any lunch today!

Woman 2: Or any dinner!

Woman 1 concurs quickly

Woman 3 (pushing her plate away, unable to finish her toast): I don't think I could eat for a week, after all that!

W1 and W2 agree eagerly, but W1 glances forlornly at W3's unfinished toast.


Two Shop-assistants

Woman 1 (off-duty): Going to a school reunion next week

Woman 2 (scanning my items through her till): Oh yeah? Oh that's nice then.

W1: You wouldn't believe how many people had committed suicide in my year though.

W2: (looks up, still scanning) You what?

W1: (Mouthing) Suicides. In my year.

W2: (Stops scanning. High-pitched voice.) Really?

W1: Mmm. Unbelievable.

W2: How many?

W1: Oh, I don't know. About three? No. Less than three.

W2: (Resumes scanning my shopping) God.

W1: Three too many, isn't it?

W2: Mmm.

W1: So.

W2: So who were they?

W1: Just people. I don't really know.

W2: Mmm.